Blissfully Betrothed

Q: I’ve been married a year now and I’m still no closer to figuring out which spouse should do what chores and who should be responsible for what! We’re both employed, but very disorganized…our house is a mess! I haven’t even unpacked all the wedding presents and am behind on my thank you notes. We have trouble dividing responsibilities and are so exhausted by the responsibilities and chores that we simply ignore them, eat out and procrastinate any major decisions. It has been fine for now, but I’ve gained some weight from all the stress and eating out! I am starting to see an end to our first year bliss on the horizon. Any suggestions?

Dear Blissfully Betrothed:

This is a tough one. There is no easy answer. Delegation of duties to keep your household in order is always a difficult task not only in the beginning, but throughout any marriage. Neither marriage nor friendship is ever 50-50.  However, if you take a look at each of your personalities and traits you might find some answers. Who is the most responsible? That person should do the bills, the insurance and the home contracting. Who is the most fun? That person should do the landscaping and the vacation arrangements. Who gets home first? That person should get the mail, packages and paper and throw out any “junk-mail” before they place it in the house. In a perfect world, cleaning and laundry responsibilities should be shared.  However, if one spouse puts in considerably more hours at work than another, the spouse with extra time can pick up the extra tasks.  To make meal time easier, plan out menus that incorporate a specific night for each of you to be responsible for. Carve out a “date-night” a no-cook or “sandwich” night to make the other nights manageable and still have fun. Most importantly, in a marriage the division of labor is not always fair. There will be periods where one spouse is forced to be responsible for 80% of the household and vice versa. Try not to get hung up on what your spouse is not helping with rather than what they are. And when they do pitch in, don’t complain and be thankful they are making an effort. Your relationship will thank you.


I didn’t even know people had issues with stuff like this. I am going to have to defer to Mimi for this one, as I am still a young, irresponsible, blissfully ignorant bachelorette. My advice is to maybe make it a weekly competition, because who doesn’t love winning? You’re still young and fun so at the end of the week, whoever has the most points gets to choose the movie, dinner or chore not to do, etc… you get the idea! Get back to me with how this one goes, if you dare take my advice.


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